Everything about my daughter is spicy and wild. She is creating a storm, and her actions and movements express the full seasoned attitudes she stomps with. Running down the dirt paths into the Sunny Brea Forest my son takes off down the trail after her. Taking long running strides without resistance. Like Sonic the hedgehog on a track. The idea of siblingship drives my children bonkers. They want to push, pull, resist but they can’t help but to collide back into one another with love and compassion. Being a child even though full of wonderment and adventure it is also filled with a victim mentality, as the children blame each other every step of the way, sissy pushed me, Malakai left the water bottle not me, etc.

Under the Hunter’s moon I felt emotions stir that I had no control over. I felt so passionate about my feelings, I had to act on them, I couldn’t resist. Now in the new moon, I am wondering if I could have held back those feelings. If I was able to suppress them, hide them, until they dissipated. In the new moon I wonder what I could have done differently to not have acted on my emotion, how to be a new me, how to be a different me. I don’t regret having feelings, but I do regret not having the tools, knowledge, and power to have formulated those feelings in a different way.

All Hallows Eve is among us and we are preparing with trips to the pumpkin patch, making costumes, and preparing sweet treats for friends and family. There is nothing better than being surrounded by your best friends, and Halloween is a great time to indulge in doing fun things with the people you love. We went to the pumpkin patch and got lost in the maze. It was a relief to find the exit (I think we exited where we entered, we were that lost.) Our family and friends took their time choosing the best pumpkins. My husband chose mine, an orange and green pumpkin with lots of warts and a twisted stem. I took the kids to the haunted museum, then we went to see the witches on paddle boards. Bonding and spending time with the kids in this manner was very rewarding to me. 

My daughter has been working on her Therian costume. If you didn’t know, Therian’s believe they are a non-human animal species, but are human on a physical level. They may mimic the behaviors of their animal identity. She burnt her hand with the hot glue gun making her costume and I realized even if she thinks she’s old enough (age 11) to do these  things on her own, she still needs adult supervision. My son also wanted an animal costume to match his sisters. He got a wolf tail and ears, we’re going to make it out to look like Max from Where the Wild Things Are. 

I’ve been sharing with my best friend/ roommate ideas for Halloween dishes. Dishes like corn fritters, pumpkin cake pops, stuffed sweet and savory butternut squash (stuffed with chicken, brussels sprouts, and beets,) pumpkin cheesecake cookies, and honey lavender white chocolate truffles. I’m fascinated with all the good recipes we can find on the internet. 

On that note, my roommate cooks the best meals. He makes fish, fresh pizza, and the best tasting quinoa. I am constantly so busy from work and childcare that I can’t always perform as the best cook. But I want to cook like my roommate. I want to dedicate time in the kitchen. I want to enjoy the work. I love being a mom but it’s taxing. To find the balance that offers my children the best life possible and the healthiest options.

Last of all childcare for toddlers; It is so scary to put your children in the hands of someone else. As a substitute teacher I strive to give the kids the best experience possible. The experience I want my children to have while I’m away. Part of me doesn’t want to return to work in the New Year. I’d rather stay home with my children, so I know they are safe. Work on cooking and home life. To become a better writer and artist by dedicating time at home. My mom was a stay-at-home mom till I was four. My son doesn’t have to attend school for another year. Yet, childcare has a lot to offer too. Will I be able to work with him on his education, give him the socializing skills the school offers, and the play structure? Will I be able to keep my calm as a stay-at-home mother, or will it be a burden on my child’s and my relationship? Is there a hybrid version (stay-at-home mom + daycare) that won’t make me feel obligated to be at work? Coming to the end of the year I wonder what I can do to better my child’s lives.