A very close friend of mine got into a car accident at 38 weeks pregnant. She was hit sitting on the passenger side in a small vehicle by a Dodge Ram. I remember my husband waking up on February 11th , telling me, “How does Tallulah always get into accidents,” and myself shouting back at him, “What? She’s pregnant!” We are so fortunate my friend did not die that day. She went into the hospital with a punctured lung and kidney, 18 broken ribs (do we even have more ribs than that?) and had to deliver her child by cesarean after spending months off preparation on the most beautiful home birth experience I’ve ever heard.
Talullah had a brief moment where she was able to meet her daughter, Oriah, along with her partner, Trystin. The moment touched the heart strings of many and her story was told over social media platforms as her outcome was not certain. The following weeks were an emotional rollercoaster. My friend was put under and her family and friends gave her as much positive reinforcement on her facebook page as possible. She was in a medically induced coma for three months where she had no contact with her newborn child. When she woke up she wasn’t able to see her daughter for another two weeks. Not only that she was swollen and breathing from a tube that was inserted down her throat which made it impossible to talk or eat.
This was just devastating. After experiencing the after effects of my friend’s terrifying accident I want to share with you some things that were done to help support her at this time.
Yes I messaged the partner, the mom, the best friends. I know it may seem like an annoyance or that it was none of my business to reach out but all of these people needed support. Hell, I needed support. When your heart breaks like this every voice of encouragement helps the vibe stay positive. The worst scenario might have been hanging over my head but it’s important to stay positive no matter what because that’s the energy that you want out there. If there is no response, don’t be offended. I know her mom and partner were busy raising the newborn but every once in a while I would send a supporting message so that they know the community supports them.
Start a go- fund me. My friend’s cousin started her go-fund me and it took off. People from all over were reading Tallulah’s story and helping in any way they could. Don’t feel bad for asking for help. In these circumstances as much outreach as possible ensures the victim is getting as much help as possible.
I created a simple 30 second TikTok to raise awareness of her accident and how the general public can help. This didn’t take long and it helped share her story. Don’t be shy to reach out, there are other people that can relate to these events.
Her partner went to the doors of Newspaper companies asking to get this story covered. This was an exhausting but worthwhile step to get her story heard and to get aid for her situation.
I found myself having a hard time at work, crying constantly and looking for answers up every tree. I put myself through the ringer when in reality there was nothing I could have done in those beginning moments. While taking the steps to help, don’t let yourself become consumed with sadness/ depression. Instead count your blessings. In this case the baby survived and Tallulah saved her baby with her body which is now taking the consequences. There is something to be thankful for there.
While she was in the coma her partner orchestrated a prayer circle outside of the hospital. Long Beach residents came to support Tallulah. Sage was burned, songs were sung, and group prayer commenced. I thought this was a very powerful interaction that vibrates healing energy to our friend. Since I am not local, I held a zoom conference during this time to allow distant friends of Tallulah’s to pray and talk about their relationship with her and how this has affected them.
Then I started a food train! This was not as easy as I had expected. As you can see in the post, I linked the go-fund me with the information about the accident, added some pictures and content about the purpose of a meal train and posted it on her page, tagging her partner and mother. This was really helpful for them, maybe seven meals came out of it. Her partner would explain to me how he found himself not eating or eating out because he was busy picking up breast milk from donors, talking to lawyers, and answering the flood of messages from friends and family. Healthy meals should be encouraged while creating a meal train and sharing it with as many people as possible. I also encouraged a volunteer to pick up meals so strangers wouldn’t be coming to the house and for friends to do a noncontact drop off between a certain time so that the family isn’t being interrupted during this time.
When I finally had a week to go visit she was just waking up from the coma. I was scared for her well-being and it was really hard to hide it. I think with in person visits that it is okay to not mask up. Even though all the text messages and posts were positive, here is when I showed my weakness, crying in front of her and telling her how worried I was. Maybe there was even a point when she was tired of all the positivity and also wanted someone to be real about how dangerous this scenario was. While in person I was also able to pamper her, massage oil on her feet, talk to her about meditation and possibly read a story or poem (she didn’t like this one but someone else may.) I was able to make a poster for her and put it up in her hospital room. I included all of our mutual friends and positive affirmations along the side. I also brought her a picture of the baby and her partner that I took while I was there. I am very thankful I got this time with her.
When she got out of the hospital I sent her flowers home. Calling up a local florist, I had “congratulations on having a girl” flowers delivered to her home. I felt like she missed out on the celebration of her birth and now was a good time to do so.
Another gift I recommend to send a patient coming home from a hospital is a robe. Sometimes we forget the little things that can help us move comfortably throughout the day.
The last and most important influence I think can help you and a patient that has undergone a traumatic event is Eckhart Tolle “The Power Of Now” and “A New Earth ”, consciousness, breathing and gratitude are such important skills to have during a crisis. These books or audiotapes can help soothe a person’s soul, open their mind, and bring them to a place of acceptance.
Thank you for reading my blog. I hope this helps anyone that is helping someone that is undergoing trauma. You are never in the wrong for reaching out and being helpful, even if it feels like you don’t know how to help. Your heart, good thoughts, and sending positive vibes can help a victim heal.