Laine, Dan, and Natascha sit out front of Starbucks, sipping coffee and talking about misgendering and using proper pronouns.
Natascha: This is Natascha with Little Lost Forest. I will be conducting short interviews today with Laine and Dan on the LGBTQ community to spread information and create co-existence on non-gender-conforming and intersex persons.
Hello Laine, thank you for coming today.
Laine: Hello, thanks for having me.
Natascha: How’s your day going?
Laine: It’s going alright, thank you. And how about you?
Natascha: It’s going good. It’s been long. Thanks for coming late at night. Can you tell me your pronouns?
Laine: My pronouns are they/ them.
Natascha: Can you tell me a little about yourself?
Laine: I’ve lived in Humboldt County for 21 years. I have degrees from Cal Poly Humboldt in music and religious studies, and I’m learning to be a dog trainer.
Natascha: That’s awesome! How have you transitioned?
Laine: I was born female, and I transitioned in several ways. I had a hysterectomy in 2019. Earlier this year, I had top surgery, which also helped me with a chronic pain condition which I’ve had since high school. I am on a low dose of testosterone which has helped in several ways, but most people couldn’t tell that by looking at me, so not everything is visible to the eye when someone is transitioning.
Natascha: How has transitioning healed you?
Laine: I’m a much happier person. I used to be very grumpy. I had a lot of anxiety about my body and I was always very depressed about my life and about who I was but I’m not like that anymore. Still a little bit because things are still up in the air with a few things, but it’s much better. And having surgery on my chest helped my chronic pain a lot. So physically- much better.
Natascha: Why is it important to use the proper pronouns?
Laine: I see it a lot of times as respect. Do you respect this person and what they’re going through and who they are? That says to me yes! I see you. I see who you are, and I will use the pronouns that you use on a regular basis. There are trans people that I even don’t respect, but I still wouldn’t misgender them, such as *** ***. She’s not a really good person, but I still would never misgender her or deadname her because that’s just not a cool thing to do. You wouldn’t go up to a stranger and say, ‘Hey you, I think you’re a man, and I’m going to call you a woman.’ Why would you do that to a person? That’s just not cool. Do you lack manners?
Natascha: I can totally agree with that. Why do you think some cis-gendered folks are bothered by others’ use, announcement, or display of their correct pronouns?
Laine: For some people, especially the Gen- X and Boomer generations, and maybe because they are older, have trouble getting acclimated to something new. [Loud background noise] -Sorry about the traffic!
Natascha: I’m sorry.
Laine: They may be like, ‘Okay, this is really new for me. I don’t know how to deal with it. It’s a big change. You might have to remind me a whole bunch’ And that can be hard for some people, especially if it is their child or grandchild. ‘I’ve known you as “this” for so long. It’s gonna take them some time to change to “this.”‘ But for some other people, people of our generation or even younger, they see it as you are taking something from them, especially with trans-fem people. Cis-women will see it as you’re taking away their womanhood. They see it as your putting on a costume. You can’t just take some hormones or put on a dress and some make-up with longer hair and suddenly- bam, you’re a woman! They say you have to have a womb and give birth which totally pushes away cis-women who can’t give birth or don’t want to or anybody who can’t give birth and doesn’t want to because we shouldn’t just be down to our body parts. That’s not just who we are. We’re not just our genitals and our body parts. We’re who we are inside.
Natascha: Thank you. What is the importance of introducing children to the LGBTQ community?
Laine: Well, there are LGBTQ children, and we don’t want them to feel alone and ostracized in not knowing who they are because then it’s kind of sad to feel all alone, and once you find others who are similar to you- it’s like finding others who have the same hobby as you but you’re like ‘Oh my gosh, you’re like me. I can talk to you about this stuff. There’s somebody who understands. I’m not alone,’ and don’t you want your kids to be happy and feel like they’re accepted? And, besides that, even kids who aren’t members of our community, wouldn’t you want them to see other people who are different? Rather if your child is Caucasian, wouldn’t you want them to see people that are Black, who are Hispanic, and people who are different then them so they see that this is a glorious world? There are people who are different, and we’re all wonderful people. Don’t you want them to see people who are disabled and show them that there are people who are not like “me.” That they are still out there and not everybody’s like you.
Interrupted by intoxicated passerby: Whoah, you’re so amazing! So good!
Laine: Wow…
Natascha: I think you’re pretty amazing [Laine.] He just doesn’t get how amazing you really are.
Laine: – Show children that there are so many people out there in our world and not everyone is like what they see on a regular basis.
Natascha: Thank you, thank you so much. Do you feel that transition has changed you in any way?
Laine: Well, I am a happier person. I used to be very depressed and- but- I didn’t really know who I was. I was confused. I was in pain both physically, mentally, and emotionally. I was grumpy all the time. I wasn’t a nice person. I was “Grrrr.” Now, I’ve been through all these struggles with changing my name and being on hormones, and I see people doing the same struggles, and I can help them in some way. I’d like to give them some tips, and tell them ‘This is what I did. If you’re going through the same struggle, I maybe can give you some ideas on how to pass those hurdles in certain processes in what you might need to do so you can get through that faster because I did it in the slow and long way and now you can do it a faster way so you can get through that in a much more expedited manner. And not just that, but if someone is within the community and not transitioning- just tell them what it’s like so they can understand. Or if people are outside of our community and want to be an ally, just talk to them about what it’s like, like what I am doing now. But if someone comes and doesn’t come to be an ally and doesn’t come with openness or love, I don’t have time for that because I’m not going to waste my time with a person who doesn’t want to understand and just comes with hate.
Natascha: Thank you so much, Laine. I really appreciate your time. I know it’s freezing cold out here, and we have horrible background noise, but you have been so wonderful and great. Is there anything else that you wanted to add?
Laine: I don’t know. Do you have any other questions?
Natascha: No, I think you answered my questions just beautifully.
Laine: That’s great, and I am so glad that you are doing this, and I hope it goes over well, and if I can answer more questions or if there are any comments, I’ll be there.
Natascha: Thank you, we will make sure to reach out to you. Thank you.
Laine: Thank you.
Thank you for reading. The correct pronouns list is below. Please share with your friends and family. Dan’s interview is coming up. You can look forward to reading it next week.
I conducted three interviews this week on folx in the LGBTQIA community. Here is one of them!
Natascha: Hi, this is Natascha with Little Lost Forest, and I will be interviewing Ranma today. A very good friend of mine for the past ten years. Ranma, how are you doing?
Ranma: I’m doing good, thank you for asking.
Natascha: Awesome, I’m so happy to hear. Will you please tell us your pronouns?
Ranma: Well, my pronouns are she and her.
Natascha: Sweet, and as I understand, you have transitioned?
Ranma: Yes, that is correct. I have been in transition for about a year, and I think four months now.
Natascha: Wow, the time has gone by. It flies. Can you tell me a little about yourself, what you do, and what your hobbies are?
Ranma: I’m an artist. I’m very athletic. I used to break dance. I love listening to music. I love making illustrations. I try to do illustrations for the trans community, and I also do designs for everyone else. As you know, I’m very open with my artwork. As for a real job- that is basically my real job because I have epilepsy and can not work.
Natascha: Well, a full-time artist is definitely a real job, and you keep yourself quite busy.
Ranma: It helps when you’re mad.
Natascha: Yeah, it does help when you’re mad. I can agree with that. How has transition healed you?
Ranma: Um, well, it allowed me to be myself completely. And now I actually have a bigger palette of fashion than I had before. More clothes to choose from, which can be awesome and really bad at the same time. If you saw my room, you could see the toll it’s taken.
Natascha: That’s great. The clean-up might be more now.
Ranma: Yeah! I need one of those machines now that they clean the ice with-
Natascha: Like in Meet the Jetsons.
Ranma: That’s right, a Zambonie. A Zamboni or a mechanical maid or something.
Natascha: I’m sure you can manifest anything. It will come to you. Why is it important to use proper pronouns while someone is transitioning?
Ranma: Well, because, for one, that person was never actually their birth gender. Inside they were always woman or male, and actually saying so would help their body’s energetical cells (helping every trans person realize that they are beautiful, Angelic even) to actually blossom. -Because it feels good to be called what you’re striving for. It was always there, but you know, you’re just trapped in this skin suit.
Natascha: That’s beautiful. Why do you think some cis-gendered folks are bothered by others’ use, announcement, or display of their correct pronouns?
Ranma: Well, to be honest, I think a lot of cispeople are very uneducated about their own sexuality. And also I think that they’re fearful. For instance, if they see a cute woman and that woman turns out to be a transwoman, it’s like, ‘Oh Shit, am I gay now?’ You know, and vice versa. To be honest, I think it’s just insecurity.
Natascha: Do you feel transitioning has changed you in any way?
Ranma: I can’t answer that one too precisely because I have always been me, but the biggest change that I can say is that I am actually 24/7 happy.
Natascha: I’ve heard that a lot in these interviews. That it [transition] has helped with depression and has made people very happy. That is wonderful.
Ranma: One of my friends I went to bars with was like, ‘Oh my god, you’ve changed so much.’ For instance, you smile more, and I thought to myself, I thought I always smiled. No, no, no, you smile a little bit, and then you put on a depressing song for karaoke, and then you sing a depressing song for karaoke, but here you are dancing and smiling and more upbeat songs for karaoke. So I’m like, alright, well, thank you, I didn’t notice that.
Natascha: Cool, this is a question I threw in there, which is kind of important to me because I have children, and I’m introducing my daughter into the LGBTQ(IA) community.
Ranma: Awesome-
Natascha: Why do you think it is important to introduce children to the LBGTQ community?
Ranma: That has so many answers. For one, it’s really good for child evolution right there to be accepting of everyone and everything and to realize that there is more than one way to live life. And everyone is the same. You know, it is also the journey of who you are. There are grown adults who have no idea who they are.
Natascha: Yeah, absolutely, and there are people that transition later in life so, and don’t find happiness until then.
Ranma: I am one of them. I didn’t even know I could do this until four years ago when I had my trans fiance, and we broke up, and I found out that, as much as I don’t want to admit it, I was completely jealous of her.
Natascha: Does it all make sense now? Are things coming together for you?
Ranma: Yeah, the only thing I have to really be cautious of is haters.
Natascha: Can you tell me a little more about that? What kind of negative reactions or discrimination do you have to face?
Ranma: Basically everything that comes with being a woman, those discriminations (referencing that women have to go through, all women have to go through, being judged on their beauty and being seen as just sexual entities, etc.)- that type of stuff. And then there’s little stuff like my aunt still likes to mislabel me, misgender me, as you know he. And like someone did this to you! And it’s like, no, I did this to myself, and I’m happy. I made a choice. And it’s quite interesting. The landlord still calls me he ’cause he caught me at the entrance of my transition, and he’s old, he’s sweet, you know he just can’t open up that third eye and get down with me being a woman and him being able to still talk to me and chill and have a beer with me.
Natascha: Yeah, I’m sorry you have to deal with that. At the same time, I think you’re really blossoming into your true self, and you’re absolutely beautiful and stunning. I don’t think anyone is going to get you down, and if they do, you call me. Is there anything else you want to add?
Ranma: There are some of our old friends that just recently saw me and haven’t seen me in a bit, and I just went to the bar. I have this overall skirt. A beautiful overall skirt, and I think you know Kevin. You know, dreadlock, Kevin. He couldn’t say to my face that he found me attractive. He told Eddie, my housemate instead, and said, ‘Oh my god, who’s that? She’s got beautiful legs,’ and found out it was me. ‘That’s Ranma,’ ‘Oh, Ranma? Can I meet her?’ ‘Kevin, you already know Ranma. Ranma used to be Rasheed. That’s Ranma.’ ‘Oh, okay. She has beautiful legs.’
Natascha: Now you get to show them off.
Ranma: I love showing them off. Especially when an old friend hits on you. ‘You don’t recognize me?’, ‘Okay.’
Natascha: Well, you’re a new person now.
Ranma: Not even how I speak? I think I still speak the same.
Natascha: I think you do, but you know it’s a new you, and I am so proud of you. Is there anything else you wanted to add to help educate the community on transgenders or using pronouns?
Ranma: Well, all I want to offer is a little bit for everyone on this one. Loving yourself will allow you to love others. And that’s the basic thing if you’re cis, trans, or miscellaneous, you know it doesn’t matter. It all starts from loving yourself; once you love yourself, you can be yourself and learn to love everyone else.
Natascha: Thank you so much, Ranma, for coming on today. These are short ten-minute interviews. I appreciate you.
Ranma: No worries.
Thank you, everyone for reading, educating your community, and spreading the word that using the correct pronouns when someone is in transition is showing respect! I look forward to sharing more interviews early next week.
October 29, 2022- (Manila, CA) I am honored to share my latest volunteer assignment at TLC and our first Artisan’s fair that took place last Saturday. TLC showcased seven local artists, a band, and DJ at their new building on the Samoa peninsula. The TLC location includes a wood and artist studio space and a festival location open for the community to educate, create, and display in a safe and judgment-free environment.
TLC, “Teach, Learn, Create,” is a nonprofit funded by Jonas Kavanaugh and Patrick Murphy, two Humboldt County artists whose goal is to promote community interaction, share the knowledge of entrepreneurship, and showcase local artists. Jonas with Monument Settings builds benches for Arcata Skate Park, the Eureka waterfront, and other local sites. His partner, Patrick, owner of Redwood Humboldt, facilitated an art gallery in Arcata and is known for his picnic-styled wood benches. Patrick closed down his gallery due to multiple hospital trips and brain surgery. He is now on a mission to allow artists the freedom to showcase their art and get it out in the public’s eye.
TLC has set up booths at the Medival Festival of Courage in Blue Lake and the Zero Waste festival in Fortuna. Now they have put on TLC’s first festival at its home location. They plan to have a booth at Humboldt Cal Poly and other upcoming events and host TLC artisan fairs bi-monthly. You, too, can be a part of TLC, come to our meetings every Monday from 6-7pm at 2050 Peninsula Dr., Manila, CA to be a volunteer.
Photographer Matt Fahey is a supportive volunteer of TLC, offering his extensive knowledge in photography and videography to help artists with product photography, commercials, and documentation. He vends Hypertufa (concrete pots), suitable for succulents and concrete/ upcycled stepping stones.
Andrew Morin, an active TLC volunteer, is a metal welding artist who incorporates local tumbled rocks. Anything from metal key rings to stone door knobs, hangers, and much more. He has been getting back into metalworking since moving to the area last year. He enjoys reusing steel from the scrap yard or from the locals. He also enjoys incorporating other local resources, including reclaimed wood. He makes practical pieces with fun features such as enamel and beach stones.
Micah Edgar is a music producer, musician, and sound engineer. He is an active TLC build crew volunteer. He has been producing music with a friend for a year and a half. He started working on custom instruments by repurposing old electronics about six months ago. Since then, they have changed the invention of sound and look forward to putting out their first album. Patrick and Micah collaborated on a tape loop sampling synth. Micah’s collaborative electronic music reminds me of an early-day Radiohead. You can find his music here.
Natascha Pearson (that’s me!) is also a frequent volunteer. I am an acrylic painter with themes of surrealism, the female body, mythology, and spirituality. I am also a practicing pagan supplying my community with altarpieces, salves, bath salts, and tarot readings under the name Little Lost Forest. I help connect artists and collectors to our TLC community. I also vend my husband, Jeremy Pearson’s paintings. He paints landscapes and space.
The Tea Fairy brought a child-friendly, fantasy shell-building station with moss, mushrooms, and natural goods to decorate in a shell! She also displayed degradable glitter, Dream Sachets, and needling art.
Mihael Kavanaugh preformed on stage. He is a singer song writer, and poet. His business is Fairwind Botanicals with lavender sprays and balms.
Primitive Roots with Fortuna farm owner Sarah (info@primitiveroots.art and FB at Primitive Roots 707) displayed resin and wood bowls, cutting boards, some with transformer-burned wood designs with a resin coating, unique cribbage boards, and much more. You can find a video of Sarah’s partner Loren woodburning with a neon sign transformer here and his IG.
Steadfast Creations offered knitted and crotched goods and cute octopus plushies!
Violinist, Uncle Steve, an Arcata local, played with band members Erick on drums, Joe playing keyboards, and Frank on the flute.
I look forward to more TLC artisan fairs, and I encourage you to spread the word to any upcoming artists still getting their feet on the ground to contact Patrick on the TLC Facebook page or come to a Monday night meeting to participate!
My nine-year-old is my joy and learning curve to life. She needs to be treated delicately and with emotional support. She does not have tantrums, and she mimics what she sees in adults. For a while, I had to let her make her own decisions to learn from her mistakes. I could only tell her so many times a day not to do this or that before our relationship wasn’t fruitful. Then she will run with the reins, and I have to take them back, slow her down, and set boundaries and rules for her to follow again. We have made some significant changes lately.
Her doctor told her she had high cholesterol and glucose levels. She recommended a dairy-free diet and informed us that she was sensitive to eggs and wheat. My daughter likes candy and hates her greens. I didn’t want to make her eat anything. I felt uncomfortable knowing she would close her mouth and refuse, but something changed when I had the doctor on my side. Now it was something she had to do.
I began by feeding her kale, bok choy, and broccoli. We integrate green foods into everything we eat. She has switched to Almond Milk (she prefers the vanilla flavored.) They will not give her dairy at school, which includes many bread options (biscuits, waffles, etc.). She drinks the Silk milk and is now hungry enough to eat her fruits and vegetables. Even if the doctor made up the dairy allergy to change her diet, I am glad she did.
My daughter got kicked out of her rideshare for being rude to the elderly carpool. As much as I want to protect my daughter and stand up for her, this brought immediate changes. I assured her that we greet those who help us, ask them about their day, and say goodbye, even if we’re having a bad day. I had her write an apology letter, but these are things anyone would do. What hit home was that I took away her television and electronics for a month and refused to buy her anything that she wanted (not that she needed.) This method was very effective, and I’m looking for more changes, like saying hi to the cashier at the grocery store by name.
My daughter felt like a friend wronged her at school, and she felt vengeful. My friend and I explained to her that this was not the proper reaction and that just because someone had made her feel bad, it wouldn’t make it right to make that friend feel the same pain. She apologized to her friend. I got her The Self Regulation Workbook for Kids. She is working on managing her feelings, and I’ve noticed she hasn’t been fighting with her peers.
My daughter does chores. Her tasks include personal hygiene, cleaning her room, picking up poop, doing her workbooks, and doing the clean dishes. She is struggling in school, and even though she is in 4th grade, we work on a 3rd-grade spelling book. She reads daily and works on multiplication three times a week.
My daughter is very bright and creative. She has to match her clothing rather than wear new clothes that do not. She brushes her teeth and helps her little brother brush his every morning. She writes me letters when I am mad and always offers to pay for her things even though we won’t let her. She has proven to play with all ages and quickly talks to kids in new settings. My daughter is perfect and weird, and I am so proud to watch her grow and adjust herself when she learns a lesson. Please check out my Tiktok and IG @the_glowing_expectant to see the progress of a nine-year-old big sister and how she supports her brother and mother.
Snapshot. Choose a sing card and write a one-page story that explains or describes what’s happening. Try to add drama. Be imaginative. –Tarot for Writers by Corrine Kenner.
Death
A woman of wings, feathers, and beastly qualities emerges from the embers. She held a half-moon metallic staff with a burning red ember at its center. She hovered forward. The darkness of the underworld is colder, the stillness denser, and the vastness hollower than she had ever experienced on Earth. The creatures crawled toward her in fear, pulled by power. They bowed and trembled, pushing through the energy to graze her presence. She stepped up on the night crawlers and lost souls as they traveled into a staircase, throwing themselves over each other as she ascended out of the darkness until a blue light illuminated Pluto’s gate.
“Come with me,” she spoke to the doomed. “You deserve closure.”
Eris opened the gates of hell for all the creatures to return to earth. She flipped the hourglass and froze the stone doors open until the end of Samhain. “May chaos bring peace and understanding.”
The man on the moon sent Pegasus down from the cosmos and invited Eris for tea, and she gladly accepted.
“A shift,” A strong man with skin the color of bark and the face of a sacred ibis spoke.
“Yes, I have emerged,” Eris lit an herbal sacrament and inhaled, and she found a suitable stone like an altar to make herself comfortable on.
“To make changes, “Eris spoke arrogantly.
The eternal being Yah’s eye squinted. “I make the changes.”
“I have basked in the light of your earthly realm presence and experienced your ‘changes,’ “she spoke unhindered.
“Well, please… indulge me on your human experience.”
“I was not needed,” she flicked the joint, and plants began to grow from its ashes. Yah quickly stomped them out.
“And what makes you think you are needed now?” Yah said dryly and annoyed.
“I thought you invited me for tea?” Eris responded. She felt no need to reveal her skin or to batter her eyes.
Yah snapped his fingers, and the creatures of the moon, blue earth-dwelling characters, set up a table and porcelain arrangement along with silver utensils.
“What are you doing on earth?”
“Creating chaos. There’s a need for that.” Eris said, making up her tea the way she liked it- black.
October 1, 2022- The Medieval Festival of Courage was hosted by Coastal Grove Charter (K-8th) in Blue Lake, CA. With 50 vendors, two stages, and three unique arenas, the festival attracted a large crowd dressed throughout the ages. I had the privilege of vending with TLC. My children, their friends, our friends, and school and work peers all came to indulge in the festivities. This two-day event spanned from Saturday to Sunday and was a very special showcasing of central Humboldt’s hidden gems.
At $10 a ticket, knights, wizards, queens, and kings entered the gates! Greeted by a sword-fighting arena for children and a few rowdy fathers, took on foam-covered sticks and fought to the death! The sword fighting arena was one of the most popular activities full of children’s rampage. The front stage was bedecked with belly dancers, clog dancers, poetry, and bagpipes. The days were full of thespians and musicians belching out their hearts in a medieval dialect. Surrounding the arena were vendors of jewelry, clothing, food, and wine. The cherry wine flushed the lady’s cheeks and beer overfilled grizzly bearded men’s mugs. Carmel dripped off green apples like witches’ muck, and meats and corn were cooked on open grills.
Over by the paddock was a tent for the kings and queens, dressed in authentic 500-1500 ce costumes excluded from the common folk. A large crowd lined the fences as men on horses jostled, flinging one another from the horse’s back. Between shows, men in armored suits and beautiful women dressed as royalty paraded the horses for the audience to touch. Within this arena were a petting zoo, a miniature pony ride, and even axe throwing! The animals warmed the children’s hearts while leaving their turds along the pathway.
Even though there was a metal fence on the high-top areas, I combined this arena as one. The front entrance welcomed the crowd to a beautiful children’s area and homely vendors. One tent offered toys for the children, blocks to make castles, animals to dress, and playsets decorated with dangling tassels and velvet flooring. A majestically dressed woman read stories from a book and welcomed groups on a story quest with the legend of the Sword in the Stone. Also displayed were gem vendors, free pin-making stations, and a gnome dome, the safe haven for the tired-out child to live in a fairyland.
Then there was “TLC” a non-profit showcasing local artists, including me! I represented Little Lost Forest displaying wands, resin trays, acrylic art, and ruins! I had the pleasure of live painting and reading tarot. My friend Savana showed her unique electroplating copper jewelry, and Patrick his locally made wood tables, mushrooms, and swords. We advertised for our upcoming festival in Manila next month! Behind the metal fence were aerial silk performers with young girls climbing the ropes! Musicians played at a small stage in the back, serenading us with the violin. A jump house, jewelry vendor, and archery station fit with plenty of room along the basketball court. Men, women, and children pulled back their bows and shot toward haystack targets. A few performers free-flowed with staff, poi, and Hoola hoops.
The Medieval Festival of Courage was a well put on event that brought the community together, offered affordable vending spaces, and showcased some top performers. The children ran the show, and Coastal Grove Charter did a good job relating its artistic and out-of-the-box curriculum. More adults (then I think would like to admit) dressed in their favorite garb and transported back in time. At the end of the day, the playful and innocent collaboration of our communities youth shinned through, and I can’t wait to return next year.
Sometimes it’s hard to commit to buying art. I’m sure I have made plenty of excuses, particularly that art can be expensive. I want to propose some ideas about why buying art is good for you and your community and why you should make a habit of buying it.
Art is excellent for placing color on a white wall without upsetting your landlord. We aren’t meant to live within a world of walls, but if we must be confined to a box, we might as well make it beautiful. Putting art up on your wall contributes to the Feng Shui of a room. It creates ambiance in a space meant to entertain guests and will help them feel comfortable and welcomed. It sparks conversation, unique thoughts, ideas, or concepts. Art can provoke meditation, deep thinking, and inner healing. Art is an excellent form of self-expression, giving your peers an insight into your style, personality, dreams, and fears. Art can remind you of something you are trying to put into your practice or take out of your routine.
You can find art that resonates with you by attending local events. All types of themes attract artists and entertainers who gather at festivals as well as fairs. If you have a niche you’re dying to scratch, search for the nearest festival that caters to that niche. If there isn’t one, try something similar to it, and you will come to recognize people at the event who also relate to your niche. You can also turn to Instagram and social media to find artists that produce what you’re looking for.
But you’re a starving artist or don’t have the money to spend. This is no excuse. Buy art you can afford, prints are a great alternative! Get something small or settle with an artist that may not be your absolute favorite. When you buy art, you learn about the process. You have a product to critique, admire, to share with the people you love. Only good things come from buying art. Even better, the more art you purchase and the more of a collection you acquire, the more you expand your mind, provoke conversation, support your community, engage in imagination, and gain an inner fulfillment that people who do not buy art will never understand.
Millennials (1981-95, that’s me!) grew up with parents, Baby Boomers (1946-64), who came from families from the Silent Generation (1928-45) where marriage was a lifelong bond and until the no-fault divorce law came to be in 1969, they needed a reason to get divorced. As things changed, the Baby Boomers had the highest divorce rate ever, spiking from 1990-2012 (my parents were part of this statistic). There is no wonder why marriage is less common for Millennials and self-development takes over importance. It may seem “new age,” but more families have kids without getting married or wait until later in life to tie the knot. Some are opening up their relationships to avoid the devastating regrets of being cheated on or, worse, being the cheater.
My father being closer to the Silent Generation than my mother, a Baby Boomer, instilled in me the Christian ethics of marriage and lifelong partnership. When I met my husband at 26, marriage was the last thing on my mind. I wasn’t sure how to be in a committed relationship or end my many friendships with “benefits.” I was conflicted between “if you want me to commit to you, we need to be dating” to “I can still make out with my friends, right?” Influenced by the Burning Man polyamory scene that my peers were partaking in.
It wasn’t long until I met my husband’s three-year-old daughter, and things changed. I suddenly needed commitment. Not just from him, but I longed to change my single ways and craved stability and family. I suddenly wanted kids so they too could grow up close in age to his daughter. After helping my husband obtain full custody of his child, the ball started rolling even faster. It wasn’t a matter of, I love you so much, let’s get married! Even though I loved him so. I was now questioning how I would play the mother’s role in his daughter’s life and how I wanted to go about it. Being fully committed to my husband and his daughter by raising her, taking her to school, keeping in touch with her grandparents, and helping her expand her social life, there was no doubt in my mind that I would do anything to be her mom.
We got married in 2018, and eight months later, I adopted her. This was the biggest miracle in my life, but it was a full-time commitment. I saw walls being built between me and my friends. As if overnight, I went from a social butterfly to being a mom while sustaining part-time employment. Reality sunk in, and being unable to go to this or that show or party created resentment within me. The first year of marriage was the hardest. He was working toward his career, and I was obtaining a higher education. We struggled to get on our feet as we worked, spending time away from our child, living in small, unkempt one-bedroom buildings with two dogs and two cats. Things became very stressful. So stressful that I wanted to leave.
Not my family, just the life we were grinding to achieve. So, we did. In 2020, our second year of marriage, we moved. We left our families and our friends to live in a more affordable place that offered us job security and a home where we got our own rooms. I had always promised our daughter when we had enough space for another child, it would happen, and it did. Our family continued to expand; even though children cost money, we began to make more. We became more stable by the day. Our stress levels decreased, and opportunities became more abundant.
I enjoy being married to a partner who allows me to be me. The constrictions society had fifty years ago has been broken with gender identity, sexual orientations, and ways of life broadening. People are finding new ways to conduct and maintain relationships. I’m not saying jealousy, rules, and boundaries aren’t in action, but I believe more acceptance and a willingness to try to please the ones we love for who they are and not who we want them to be helps sustain a relationship.
What advice would I give to the younger generations? Don’t push commitment without reason, a dying desire, or a meaningful purpose to marry. Otherwise, you are feeding the government more money off a concept they sell as “love.” Love yourself, love your partner, but most of all, love your life. Love your day-to-day routines. Be thankful for the life you’re living because it is beautiful! Everything else will come together. Not only will it come together, but you will notice things becoming abundant. Love, space, time, we control all of this subconsciously. It’s up to you how you use it.
Most of all, don’t feel trapped. We are not trapped in the lives we live. We weren’t back then (history), and we’re not now. It takes honesty with yourself, what you want in life, and if what you are doing is making you happy. If you find yourself unhappy, then there is no reason to keep doing the same things every day, which calls for change. I don’t despise my parents’ divorce- it was time for a change. And who knows, my marriage is still young. Yet, if you enjoy your partner, if you don’t want to change them, if you appreciate them for who they are and how they compliment you in achieving your goals in life- then put a ring on it. There’s no documentation necessary for that.
As a thirty-two-year-old, I reflect on my eight-year friendship with my best friend.
The Value of having a Best Friend
The best part of having a best friend is that you’re never alone. With a best friend, no matter rain or shine, you always have someone to call on, who will always answer to help you or tell you everything will be alright.
Attributes of a Best Friend
1. Cracks jokes in awkward situations.
Sometimes I say something out of line, embarrass myself, or I’m just in an anxiety-ridden situation, and my best friend always makes me laugh (sometimes too loudly.)
2. Makes you feel better when you messed up.
My best friend will admit my faults, rub my back, tell me it’ll get better, put on my favorite movie, crack open a beer, and sit with me as I circle in negative thinking. He will eventually pull me out of it.
3. Encourages you to do it, even when you think you can’t.
Before I do anything I’m passionate about, I consult my best friend. I tell him all the reasons I’m scared to do ‘this or that’, and he will tell me why everyone else who does ‘this or that’ sucks and how I could do it better if I put my mind to it.
4. Keeps your secrets to the grave.
You learned this one in elementary school.
5. Doesn’t talk badly about you to others.
I have had good friends that talk shit, but my best friend always has my back.
6. Spends time with you and your family even when you don’t want to.
Spending time with family can be challenging but having your best friend with you makes it a boatload easier, especially when they seem to be having fun.
7. Picks you up when you’re stuck.
My best friend has picked me up all over California. I am so lucky to have someone who will drive fourteen hours to get me, to go to a party in the direction he came from.
8. Exaggerates all the bad qualities of an ex when you break up.
After I met my best friend, ex-lovers never had a chance to bring me down for long. He knows how to make them sound real lame and for the future without them to seem real bright.
9. Cooks you meals when you’re drunk.
I’m not the best cook, especially when I’m drunk (you can say burnt toast again.) My best friend taught me to enjoy the finer foods in life. I think he’s everyone’s best friend when he’s cooking. 🙂
10. Corrects you when you are wrong.
My best friend tells me when something isn’t right. He will give me a look like I’m crazy and say “no” sternly like a parent to a child.
11. Never says no to an adventure.
On a whim, my best friend has taken me to really cool places, like the middle of the desert, just to watch the stars.
12. Helps with your projects.
No matter how much of an asshole I can be, my best friend always engages in all my projects, promotes me, and encourages me. He will pick me up when I fail and push me to do better.
My favorite part about having a best friend is:
Having Inside Jokes
Ex. My best friend smells really good, but my ex smells baddd.
Maintaining your Best Friend
Best friends love food and drinks. If they are not drinking, they love when you don’t drink too! Best friends love when you tip well.
Best friends love when you express yourself in your style. Your best friend wants to wear their most outrageous stylish clothes too but only if you do!
Best friends don’t care when you fart, but you must clean up after yourself, like your hair in the shower or your mess near the sink. Being stinky is one thing, but to maintain a best friend, you must keep their area clean.
Best friends love best friend things. Best friend bracelets, hats, shoes, tattoos. Best friends love having symbols of your friendship.
Best friends want you to understand their family. Even if they don’t like talking about their families, being part of their family is part of being a best friend.
Best friends love cuddles. Best friends are not normal friends, and they’re not your boyfriend or girlfriend, but they still love cuddles, and no one should get in the way of best friend cuddles.
Best friends love honesty. If the person they are dating is no good, the outfit is no good, their direction in life is no good, it is the best friend’s job to tell their friend this. Even if the friend is very mad now, in the long run, it is the right thing to do.
Best friends exercise together because we want to stay in good health.
Best friends are not mean to their friends’ other friends because they know they can’t be the only friend.
Best friends like vulnerability. If you can’t be honest with your best friend, are you even honest with yourself?
Conclusion:
You don’t need a best friend to be happy. Sometimes you are just in between things in life or haven’t connected with anyone since High School. Hey, life is life. But, when you find a best friend, fight for your best friend, treasure your best friend, and don’t let them forget how much you care about them. Life can suck, but a best friend makes all the hard stuff that much better.
My name is Natascha with Humboldt counties lifestyle blog, Little Lost Forest. Today I will be talking to Adam Schluter, producer, and photographer of Hello, From a Stranger.
Hi Adam.
Adam: Hey Natascha, thanks for having me.
Natascha: How are you feeling today?
Adam: I’m feeling- I’m feeling pretty good. Honestly, I think you saw I had open heart surgery like two months ago and I just had some weird ups and downs but it’s summertime, it’s wedding season, we’re filming the show, it’s Monday Night Dinners, I’ve just been pushing it too much. I think I’ve just been an introvert crashing, hard but other than that life’s good.
Natascha: You’re looking great and you’re spreading positive energy, you are much appreciated.
Adam: Thanks, Natascha.
Natascha: Where are you talking to us from?
Adam: I’m in Coeur D’Alene, Idaho.
Natascha: Cool. How’s the weather out there?
Adam: It’s magic, perfect. Like 85 sunny but in Coeur D’Alene, Idaho you have like three months of good weather, June, July, August. September, October are usually pretty nice. You never really know. But then you have literal six months of deep pure winter. There’s six hours of sunshine during the day. It’s brutal. This area is perfect.
Natascha: Do you stay in the area year round?
Adam: No, fuck, no. That’s why I photograph weddings during the summer. I make all my income for the whole year in those three months and then I have nine months off, so I like to spend like one month in the winter because, it’s very ideal like a hallmark town. Everything shuts down, you walk everywhere. It’s like ten feet of snow a month. It’s just gorgeous. But you know if I’m not working, and I don’t have routines in place it’s really easy to succumb to seasonal depression and my mental health stuff. So, it allows me that time to travel out into the world and focus on my project which gives me a lot of purpose.
Natascha: I can understand that we have a year around cloud coverage here in Eureka. Winters can be harsh.
Adam: What do you mean year around?
Natascha: We’re right there by the bay. Right there in Eureka, not in southern Humboldt or in Oregon but right where I’m at, clouds accumulated by the water and were stuck with it.
Adam: That’s tough.
Natascha: Can you tell my audience a little about Hello, From a Stranger?
Adam: Six years ago, I lived in Mexico and I wanted to move to a place with more opportunity. I was in a long-term relationship with a girl that I loved like crazy- with all my heart. I thought we were going to get married. So, we got sponsored by this outdoor company to travel the Pacific Coast highway from the southern tip of Mexico to Alaska and pick the best place to live out of the three countries. 22,000 miles, I spent ten months on the PCH, and I chose this town where I’m living now, Coeur D’Alene, Idaho.
We spent ten months together. Every day was bliss. We were on vacation, everything was cool. We were both travelers, so everything was cool. We were running from some demons. She was really running from some demons. She was getting over drugs and alcoholism, and a whole bunch of some darkness we were running from.
So, once we slowed down and we moved into this home that I’m in right now we literally had nothing, we only had enough money for the prorated first month’s rent and the deposit- we had nothing left for groceries, for food, we had no jobs, didn’t know anyone. But we made it work, got jobs, figured it out, obviously. Once we got more comfortable those demons came back and it pulled us apart. It came to a spot where I couldn’t do it anymore and we ended up breaking up. I was in a town where I didn’t know a single person and I was way far away from my family and friends, and I moved here with this girl that I thought I was going to marry and be with for the rest of my life and now she’s gone.
I was living in Mexico for three and a half years and I didn’t have a phone, so I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to make meaningful relationships without technology in America, especially. It’s easier in third world countries. I finally hit a wall. I was going into the first winter out here and I was suicidal. I was thinking about suicide, I was actually planning it. And one day, I really just didn’t want to do it to my family. So, one day I was just looking at a world map, just kind of dreaming, still very broke, not very much money. I was waiting tables at a restaurant, but I knew I was going to die if I stayed in this house stuck in my thoughts. I just said fuck it I’ll just do what scares me the most. If it confirms my fears that I’m alone and the worlds not there, then I can still commit suicide and give up but maybe it will wake me up and get me out of my head.
I booked the cheapest flight the furthest I could away, which was Copenhagen, Denmark and almost no money left, again. I was homeless in my late twenties. It never bothered me. I’ve always lived a very minimal life guy. I don’t mind being uncomfortable. I was like fuck I need to sleep somewhere, and I need transportation. The trains- the trains are all over Europe. There’s one company, Euro Rail, that does 95% of all trains in Europe. I just started hounding them to sponsor me for it, I didn’t have a big portfolio, it was just an idea, and we went down to Fort Bay to ask the group that sponsored part of the trip. Okay I can sleep on the trains; I can move around on the trains. From there my only plan was to find the beauty in the world and try to wake myself up creatively and do what scared me the most, which was to say hello to people and to interact with people. It’s easy as a photographer to be behind the camera and photograph stuff from a distance. I was trying to wake up. I was really trying to wake myself up. I knew I had to really challenge myself.
I’m an introvert. I’m terrified of rejection. So, I was like what is the scariest thing I can do? It’s like just go say hello to strangers and try to have conversations with them. That was the base of this whole thing. Now we’re twenty-one countries in thousands and thousands of strangers, been published three times by National Geographic, there’s a Ted Talk. There’s a book and we have a second book coming out on it this year. We started filming the show last year. We’ll have a show coming up here too. It’s still a work in progress. Mental health is not like one and done, alright I’ve solved this. No, I need to continue moving this project forward. It’s because give me a lot of purpose and it reminds me of the things I need to do for my own mental health and just keep trying.
Natascha: Your story gives me goosebumps. Congratulations on moving this project forward.
Adam: Thanks, Natascha.
Natascha: Of course. Out of all the creative outlets you could have pursued what influenced you to talk with strangers?
Adam: I think- A) I was incredibly alone. I felt incredibly alone but I was surrounded by people. It was like how the fuck does that make sense- I’m sorry, I guess you can take that out- I’m surrounded by people, I feel completely alone. We have social media and people around us, but there’s no in-person depth of those relationships, and that’s hard. It’s easy to send a text but it’s hard to sit with someone. It can be awkward sometimes. And ask for help, sometimes, and to give help when it is asked of you. They really need to learn this, because the technology, it doesn’t matter how many friends I have on that. It makes me feel worse. It makes me feel more alone. Because it’s not in person. The cool thing about this, I was actually so afraid, the first night I was throwing up in my room. I was deathly terrified. And there was no turning back. I didn’t have the money to go back. So, I put it all on the line and it saved my life, but I made up this script because I thought I better sound cool approaching strangers. I have to sound like I have this all thought out and put together. The script was on approaching and saying hello to strangers all over the world but only if I saw something beautiful and, in this moment, this is so beautiful would you mind if I took your photograph? That sounds aliquant and cool. but what I found was that when I approached these strangers you have a millisecond to earn their trust. You have to decide if they can trust me, if I’m trying to sell you something, see if I’m trying to get something from you and if you think that I’m bullshit then in that millisecond you’ll just walk away. You’ll never stop to talk to me. I found that script was dis-ingenuine. And so, through hundreds of rejections. I was getting rejected 90% plus when I was using the script. I just became more and more vulnerable. I was tired and beat down, I was still trying to figure this out. And the more vulnerable I became- you know I thought as a man it was dangerous to be vulnerable, weak to be vulnerable and foolish, obviously. The more vulnerable I became, everyone started trusting me and everyone started opening up to me. Strangers are crying on my shoulder five minutes after I said hello to them, it’s like what the fuck is going on. I didn’t have to do anything. I’m awkward and goofy. I don’t have the right thing to say, there’s moments when I don’t know what to say but like- it’s read as authentic and that’s all it takes.
Natascha: Cool. How do you choose your subjects? How do you decide that a moment is beautiful?
Adam: Honestly just pure curiosity. I love to pay attention to the world around me. There are absolutely no rules to it. It’s never forced, there’s days where I’m like I should get some stories today and I’ll go out and I just don’t find anything that inspires me that day but it’s just mostly I try to inspire people to put their phones down and notice the world around them and I feel that if people did that- come here [grabs cat]- I feel that if people do that and get off of the technology I think we’ll have a much more realistic, the actual beauty of the world around us, no fluff, no over optimism, reality by itself is pretty fucking beautiful. It’s pretty fucking special. And so, I just go out into the world, I’ll pay attention and I’ll see something that makes me curious. A lot of times it’s like a person reading a book in a park, it’s a person covered in tattoos, some of that sticks out. But I’ll say this, I never approach anybody that is staring at a phone.
Natascha: [laughs]
Adam: I don’t try to be cynical about that, it’s just really there’s nothing interesting about that and I already feel that your head is going to be completely busy if I say hello to you and it’s just not my deal. I prefer people that are doing something else.
Natascha: While abroad how did foreigners view you as an American?
Adam: Yeah, really cool question. The main reason above all why I wanted to do this internationally is that I wanted to do it in places where I didn’t speak the same language, I don’t look the same as the other people that are with me. I’m doing it all in countries that I have never been to. That I don’t know the customs, the rules, the cultures, and what I’m really trying to show above all, now, is the power of vulnerability and the crucial necessity of intuition. Those two things together are enough to open the entire world to help you navigate it.
I found me by being myself, being vulnerable and being curious, it’s also- people like to see curiosity because you can see that I’m excited about something I’m passionate about it. People open up to me with that. I’ve been in some of the most complicated situations in countries around the planet, like the Jamaican story, I did this for six weeks in Jamaica. I would always be the minority. I wanted to be the minority, as a white guy to be the minority- unlike in America where I’m not. I wanted to really stick out, I wanted to earn that respect and not be able to hide at all and that’s a great example of that. We never felt those differences. We never noticed it. We’re sitting there, we’re not talking about things that divide us, we’re not talking about things that are different, we’re not talking about politics or religion, we’re talking about life and humanity and emotions and relationships and stuff that as humans we all share. Whatever the differences are we never notice them because they really don’t matter, we’re talking about real human stuff and in those conversations we both feel very human together. I’ve always been welcomed. I have only had one bad situation ever out of thirty-eight countries I think I’ve been in throughout my life. This is all spontaneous traveling. I only have plans for the first two nights, to get established and then it’s up to me to meet the communities, interact with the world, leave my comfort zone, and let them lead me to where to go next. I am very very vulnerable in these spots. And they do have chances too but I’m intuitive and that’s crucial but I’m also, the world is a pretty damn good place, it really is.
Natascha: You must be pretty street smart as well.
Adam: It comes with experience.
Natascha: If you don’t talk about current affairs, religion, or politics, do you avoid these subjects or does it not come up, does it not cause people pain and other emotions when you approach them?
Adam: I try not to set any rules to it. The problem is if we get into a political conversation accidently let’s say, I’m just very honest. I don’t know enough about politics to have a strong opinion about it and that’s by choice. Also, I’m not saying that everyone should be like that, that’s just how I am. I haven’t owned a TV in ten years. I haven’t watched the news in six months. I just blissfully go out into the world to go see the real story and see what it is for myself. I just don’t know a lot about it. If someone is- the problem with politics or religion- people have already made up their minds. They’ve already created their identities. They already know their speech, they know exactly-there’s no balance to that. Most of the time, like 95% of the time, there’s no doubts to those conversations. It’s I know this, and this is this, and that’s how it’s going to be. There’s nothing for me to learn from in that. I learn a little bit but there’s nothing for them to learn also. Those conversations aren’t very connected. If they do come up, I’ll stop it or I’ll let someone do a rant. If it just continues to not be balanced, I’ll just wish them a nice day and walk away.
Natascha: Are there any common topics or themes that arise in conversations?
Adam: No not at all, honestly. A very broad one, I love to talk about relationships. I love to talk about what inspires people, what they do outside of their jobs that give them inspiration or purpose. I love to talk about families, because I’m really trying to learn about those things. A lot of this is me being curious to help myself learn how to continue growing. I’ve never been married, I don’t have kids, I would love those things. I’ve been through some really tough relationships and I’m trying to learn from other people on how to make sense of that but it’s also a way for me to learn about myself too, in conversation. I’ll tell you this- the secret sauce to this is people know when I’m talking to them that my mind is totally clear. They know that I’m listening. They know that I am genuinely there, present in that conversation and that’s what allows people to open up to me so much because they know that I’m listening. If I had bullet point questions, oh yeah there’s that sound snippet – okay, next! They won’t tell you anything. And that’s fair, I shouldn’t. I’m not really listening. But I really am listening and there’s no format to the conversation and that’s why they go so deep.
Natascha: What are some fears or passions you’ve heard of?
Adam: That’s a great question. Passions are very individual and unique. I’ve just heard millions from juggling to painting to, I hear lots of music, to being a mom. Really beautiful stuff. I just love to hear all the stuff that people are passionate about because it inspires me to continue trying to find them myself. Fear is a lot more- there’s definitely a dread in the entire world right now of fear about life as we know it changing so dramatically so as a global humanity, as a global society, whatever you want to call it, were breaking apart. And so there’s a lot of loneliness that is felt all over the world, everywhere I go. There’s less in third world countries because those are really built on relationships because there’s poverty and poverty doesn’t have much besides the relationships. There’s deep, deep, deep understanding being communicated about technology creating a bit of a chaos that we don’t know what to do about. And the world’s very scared of that. What it’s doing to relationships to communication, friendships to love, and daring. The addiction, people don’t really know what it’s going to continue doing to us. It’s just taking us away from each other in person, so I think we’re going to see a lot of the damage that it causes.
Natascha: Thank you for sharing. Can we talk about your hardware for a second? What is your favorite camera and lens for portrait photography?
Adam: Great question. I always use only one lens ever, for my entire project and it is a Sigma R rig 50 ml 1.4 lens. I’m cheap and I travel light. I just mastered that lens. And I’ve always used ninety-nine cameras. I’ve had a Nikon, D7000, but this project has always been on the D750 and I moved it to the Nikon Z6 last year and it’s made my job incredibly easy. What’s so helpful about having the exact same camera and lens for the entire thing is- I’ve always seen the world in pictures. I’m cursed as a photographer, a lot of us are. I already see the exact picture. I don’t need to take out the camera, I don’t need to take out the lens, I don’t need to look through it. I know the lens so well, it’s like in my eyes so well that it saves me a lot of time and also, I already know exactly what the picture is going to be. If it is something real quick, like holy shit this is an amazing shot, I can get it in to take a picture in two seconds I can get the picture and then we can get into conversation. It helps me a lot.
Natascha: Nifty, cheap and trustworthy.
Adam: Yes.
Natascha: I know we’ve talked about this a bit but what is your stance on the social media dilemma?
Adam: I think that it’s the end of the absolute foundation of relationships that is absolutely critical to us being able to move forward. We’re already seeing it, I mean suicides of despair are down to the age of eight now. There’s eight-year old’s committing suicide. It is so heartbreaking.
An example of that is, I was photographing a wedding and there was this adorable girl, she was eight years old too. She had this little dress her mom gave her and we were all running around. And I said, Hey! Let me get this shoot, it is such a beautiful shot of you. I went to take the pictures and she says, no! Not this side of my face. I only like this side of my face. And I was like, you’re eight years old, where did you get it? She was like, my mom says it all the time. And I see it on TikTok all the time. Children are mimicking what they’re seeing.
I didn’t know when it got cool to be so self-critical. Somehow it got cool for people to feel ugly and talk about themselves poorly. If we don’t have self-confidence then- it’s not ego, it’s self-confidence. It’s like pride in the person that you are. You don’t have to have the best body or be the most beautiful person in the world. Just being okay with who you are. It takes some self-work and that’s a gift we should give ourselves and to the world around us but right now that’s just not the norm. The norm is self-criticism, self-deprecating, belittling ourselves. That’s a bit of cancer to other people around us because then other people around us are like hey that persons beautiful, then I’m ugly. They think they’re ugly then I have to be ugly. There’s no end to that.
So that all being said, with this insane addiction that didn’t exist a few years ago, where people wake up with their phones and they go to bed with their phones, everything in the present moment has been lost. And obviously, the less present we are, the more anxious we are, more depressed we are, the more chaotic we are, we’re not planning on the future, we’re not thinking about people that are right in front of us in that moment everything is expedient, everything needs to be fast. And the most important parts in life are not fast. Love is not fast; relationships are not fast. Like communication is not supposed to be fast. And now I feel like I need to jam in a thirty-minute scheduled time with my friends just to catch up on how life is. We can’t live like that; people are dying because of that and have been. It’s just getting worse and worse every day.
Natascha: Thank you. How do you suggest breaking down barriers within a community?
Adam: I think that’s an easy one, I mean A) barriers are obviously constructed on pride, again, whatever barriers have come in between connections has to come from us swallowing our pride first. And so, the only reason that I wouldn’t go out and try to connect with the community and the people around me is if I was being prideful. Like oh man if they reject me, I’m going to be hurt by it or I’m going to be mad about it, so we think about ourselves so much that we end up not doing what the world needs us to do. To help the world out also, so.
For me, breaking down those barriers is forming relationships and conversations that are vulnerable, authentic, but also not focusing on those things that divide us. I mean, because that is just too easy to do and those are based on identity. Not based on who that person actually is. A lot of people right now with social media, all the stimulus and technology, they don’t really know who they are, they don’t really give themselves the time to find out who they are. They latch on to an identity, this is who I am, this is how I think, this is what’s right, this is what’s wrong. Again, there’s no balance to that. Focus on what’s behind all of that. It’s like who are you really and what do you love? What scares you? What inspires you? And not just question, question, question, because that’s not balanced. It’s like telling them about you also, like really having a balanced conversation. It allows people to have this foundation of trust, that all those barriers just melt away.
Natascha: Good. How do you see conversations with strangers as a healing tool? How can a person overcome their own barriers and talk to a stranger?
Adam: Yup, well however to overcome your own barriers, it’s kind of related to the question before. But again, just try. Like that’s honestly all I can say. What do you have to lose other than your pride? Just try. Hey, I want to talk to that girl. Hi, my name’s Adam. How are you? Hi my name’s Natascha. Nice to meet you. Hey ya’- I’m really busy right now, I can’t really talk. Okay, no worries. And then you learn a little bit. Have a nice day, I just wanted to say hello.
Also, I’d say appear to people without expectations and without an agenda because people can feel an agenda, too. So that’s important, to have an open personality when you approach someone. I think the most healing part of conversations with strangers is this understanding that I saw you. Everybody sees you, and we know that everybody sees us. So rarely do people interact with the world around them that even though everyone sees us, we still feel alone. And so, here’s an idea, I saw you, I said hello to you, and I was vulnerable with you. It’s very scary to do but now I know that you see me. And now we’re going to have a real conversation and we’re both going to walk away from that feeling less alone and more connected to the world around us but also understanding that each and every day we can do that. It might be hard, it might not work, it might be awkward sometimes. But we can do that. So now we have that understanding, we’re back in our home or apartment or whatever and our mental health is having a bad day we know what to do about it. Now if we do it, that is up to us but we at least know something that we can do to help.
Natascha: Do… you believe in BigFoot?
Adam: Oh, that’s a cool question.
Natascha: We are big believers here in Humboldt County.
Adam: I was going to say no. But I’ll just say no because I don’t know enough about it. To not know definitively but know I haven’t researched and don’t know enough about it. I watched I’m All Gas No Breaks on the BigFoot rally, it was pretty revealing but I don’t know enough about it. Do you believe in BigFoot?
Natascha: Yeah, yeah. They are interstellar type of beings that can be- not necessary here all the time, kind of jumps through dimensions type deal. I have another Humboldt County question for you, any stories that relate to pot farms for marijuana enthusiasts.
Adam: Oh man, I can do a whole movie on my time there. I mean the whole thing was so wild. We lived in Clear Lake, but it was off the grid in the wild, this was like twelve years ago. It was like the wild west. Those people are recreational. It was like you can have ninety-nine plants with a doctor’s order, if you had one hundred it was a federal felony so like ninety-nine plants. There were no police because Fish and Game Conservation were the closest thing to police that we had. You’re on your own fucking island. Out in the middle of nowhere. Lots of money in the house, lots of weed plants in the house, you have guns in the house, it was wild. And, toward harvest time there’s like no protection, you know, there’s no regulation. Everyone would do these twelve-hour shifts and there’s people sleeping on patios with shotguns. There were these two sixteen-year-old kids that were out there, and they came out on four wheelers. Not on our farm but the neighboring farms, grabbed a bunch of plants and the people from the farm chased them down and the kids accidently drove off the cliff on the four wheelers and killed both of them. It’s the wild west. There’s a lot of- you probably want more of an optimistic story, but you know.
Natascha: That’s a common story unfortunately.
Adam: Yeah, it is. A lot of boredom really, so fucking boring. You’re trimming ten hours a day, and it was before cell phones were big. You get bored of it. Everybody’s on drugs, a lot of people are on drugs because of the boredom, and I never did drugs. I smoked pot and ate mushrooms. I love those two things, a lot. But I’ve never done hard drugs. And everyone’s on some real hardcore drugs. We had people overdosing. One of our closest friends, out there, OD’d and died. It’s just boredom. People really don’t know what the fuck to do. They’re really just sitting in the house together doing nothing at all. Every once in a while, there will be cool stuff. Like one of the owners of the farm who would never talk to us like the trimmers and the people in it, but he’d come in and he was this very ominous figure. He was nice. He’d go up to the kitchen and sterilize every single thing in the kitchen and nobody was ever allowed to go toward the kitchen. He would put on Grateful Dead, and he would stand there for like twelve hours and he’d just be silent. You know never say a word. We’re all feeling his presence. And then he would walk away without a word, and we’d never see him again. So, there’s just interesting characters.
Natascha: Yeah, yup. My zoom is cutting me short. It says I have three minutes remaining unless I upgrade to pro, which was unexpected. Can you just tell us what you plan on doing next?
Adam: In my personal life I am starting to date for the first time in my life. Really trying to figure out relationships. It’s kind of complicated for me, for the reasons that we talked about before. With my show, my project, we just sold forty percent of it to a major production studio and now we have a major team that is taking, really my team- which is just my director and my camera man, two close friends of mine, and were all merging forces. The next six weeks we are creating our new trailer and we’re taking that too market to sell the show. Which we expect it to sell. Hopefully in the next two to three months we’ll have the show sold and you guys will be able to see what it looks like.
But for my Monday Night Dinners, concept which I do in just Coeur D’Alene, I’m going to be taking it on the road this winter. The idea is to put me in a new city, new country, new place, anywhere in the world. I have two weeks to be there. I have to meet all the strangers but everyone that I meet, every stranger that I met and have a story, I’m going to invite them to have dinner on the end of that trip, two weeks down the line because I always wanted to leave the cities and countries more connected after I leave because, you know, I’m meeting these people and then I just leave. I want to put you all around a table together and I want you to meet each other too. Because of my time there, because of all of our time together, we’re just connecting the world, bringing it a little closer together with every place we visit. Hello, from a Stranger is merging with Monday Night Dinners and that would be the actual show. Some really cool stuff. I’m very excited for them.
Natascha: Alright Adam. Thank you so much for sharing with us. These are some beautiful projects you got going on that are very inspiring and feel good. Looking through your art makes me feel- good.
Adam: Thank you, I appreciate you looking at it and I appreciate this time I really do! It’s an honor and an opportunity. I just want to spread it and remind people that they can do this too. I actually need them to do it because I’m only one person and it’s a big world out there.
Natascha: Thank you, readers, for checking in at Little Lost Forest. Please check out our IG @littlelostforestart. You can find Adam Schluter at hellofromastranger.com and purchase his book at hellofromastranger.com/orderthebook. 100% of all sales go back to the humanitarian mission.
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